We know how certain groups are likely to vote. Obama has strong community support from his home states of Hawaii and Illinois. He attracts strong African-American support. Clinton has strong community support from her homes states of New York and Arkansas. She attracts strong support amongst white women. McCain has strong community support from his home states of Arizona and Iraq. He attracts strong support amongst crabby people.
For folks who reject identity politics or are just too post-modern to make up their own minds, I have constructed the following quiz. It has but ten questions (to help impatient McCain voters) and it is possible to get a perfect score (to motivate Utopian Obama voters). It is also very unfair to satisfy the view of reality of most Clinton voters.
Part I - World View
1. Government is:
a. bloated like a pig
b. unfair to people like I am
c. a good subject for a seminar
2. Phrases like “God bless America” are
a. commands
b. bitter sweet reminders of how short we fall of our ideals.
c. really funny when we have Opposite Day.
3. World War II is:
a. a modern example of how a nation should handle evil
b. the only good war
c. a complex clash between many different sides and views of reality worth careful study.
4. “Yes We Can” makes me think of:
a. Rosie the Riveter
b. Bob the Builder
c. Truth
Part II Practical Politics
5. Gun rights are:
a. the basis for liberty and good movie making
b. a political problem
c. the main reason America is violent.
6. Our greatest President:
a. Theodore Roosevelt
b. Franklin Roosevelt
c. still to come.
7. The Internet and politics:
a. a problem
b. a way to raise money and communicate
c. the same thing.
Part III Culture
8. When I hear “pregnant” I think:
a. grandchildren!
b. of politics
c. of being “punished with a baby”
9. Friends might use strong, and even inappropriate, profanity when:
a. referring to terrorists.
b. referring to a spouse
c. referring to America
10. When I hear “evil Empire” I think:
a. the Soviet Union
b. the vast right wing conspiracy
c. Wal-Mart
Bonus Culture Question:
On Sunday morning, many of my friends/fellow Americans/minions, whatever they are actually doing, wish:
a. they were in church hearing their beloved pastor attack the world view of the New York Times, a paper they hate, though since it is the “paper of record” they care what it says
b. they knew where their spouse and the New York Times, a paper whose crossword is too easy, were today
c. they were not in church hearing their politically dangerous pastor agree with the New York Times, the center-right paper.
Scoring:
Give yourself 1 point for each “a” chosen, 2 points for each “b,” and 3 for each “c.”
Scores:
10- You are John McCain’s older sibling.
11-15 You are Of McCain, but sane.
16-20 You are attracted to McCain’s use of “my friends” and Clinton’s laugh. You could vote for either.
22-25 You are attracted to the word “change” as a solution to every problem. You could be of Clinton or Obama.
26-29 You know that he is the he you have been waiting for.
30 You love Him more than Michelle loves Him.
