When asked about the wild side in his life, Mitt Romney told Jay Leno, “what happens in Disneyland stays in Disneyland.”
It came to me then . . . as in a vision. What if all the Presidential candidates were at Disneyland? What if all of them had to work as Rubber-Heads, those Disney characters that stroll around the park greeting guests? Who should they play?
You wonder. You know you wonder. I am here to answer the deep questions. Here are the Democrats with suggestions for roles:
Joe Biden: Sometimes he makes sense, almost, and then suddenly goes where his hair has gone- the Mad Hatter.
Chris Dodd: Solid. Very Solid. Full of “Wise” Sayings, but Nearly Forgotten by the Fans. Archimedes the Owl (Sword in the Stone)
John Edwards: Perfect Hair. Willing to Reach Out to the “Other America” Not as Blessed. Lady (Lady and the Tramp)
Dennis Kucinich: Small. Adorable. Crazy with a temper. Donald Duck.
Barack Obama: Young man’s god-like rise from zero to hero. Just like that. Hercules.
Bill Richardson: Running for Veep/Side-Kick: will be Smee to someone’s Hook.
Hillary Clinton: Angry eyes, acid voice, limp husband she must drag about: Queen of Hearts.
And now the Republicans:
Sam Brownback: So Nice. And Good. You just can’t remember his name. the Prince (Snow White)
Rudy Giuliani: A Bit. Over. The. Top. Buzz Lightyear.
Mike Huckabee: Just keep running. Marlin (Father in Finding Nemo.)
John McCain: Does anyone remember how great I was? Doc Hudson (Cars).
Mitt Romney: Handsome. Old School. Very Good, if a Tad Too Much So. Does kill Dragons. Prince Philip in Sleeping Beauty.
Tom Tancredo: Nice, but crazy Toon. Roger Rabbit.
Tommy Thompson: Deep in the Hundred Acre Woods this Eeyore with his sad eyes ought to know he has no hope.